by Keyan Pedar

OK, I’m 35 years old, still single, and apparently a successful Persian man. Yet to my mother’s eyes, I have been a disappointment because I am still single. All of my cousins have been waiting for me to get married so that they can get their lives moving in the right direction. Maybe, they are hoping that I will continue to stay single in order to experience life as it should be. And, oh by the way, to avoid a blind date like I had to endure last night with a Persian girl!

ME:
I was born in the U.S., returned to Iran when I was an infant, and then came back during my teen years for a better education and to avoid enlisting in Iran’s military. I learned to not take things for granted in life and to live every day as if it were my last. My motto is “Work hard, play hard.” This involves hard-core partying at times, a trait that my mother can’t stand.

MY DATE: 
She was born in the U.S., moved back during her infancy, and returned after age 21.  She finished her education at my rival university and now has a good job as an engineer.  She was influenced by her mother to go along with the blind date, set forth by my mom, obviously to curb my enthusiasm for a good life.

THE PLAN: 
It was conceived in Iran, when my parents visited my grandmother. I’m sure multiple discussions were held during lunches on Friday afternoons.  

“Why is our grandson still single?”  
“When will he marry?”  
“He has done so well in the U.S., has a noble job, yet no family.” 
“Let’s find him a date, from a family with a good name.”  
“Ah, yes, the daughter of so- and-so is the perfect match.”  
“Let’s find out from her mom if she’s single. The first thing when we get back to the U.S. is to call and find out if she’s available.”  

Never mind that no one has seen this girl or knows much about her. Her family name will suffice!

THE CONVINCING OF THE SON:  
My mother approached me with the idea. Ridiculous! But the anger on her face at my response forced me to appease her. After all, she has invested her life for me and my siblings, and I happen to be the chosen one. To go on the blind date and make the family proud. Then to possibly get married and bring stability to the family. Perhaps one day bring a few grand-kids into this world for my parents. 

My younger brother was a witness to all of this. To his delight my date is the only girl in her family, leaving no immediate plans for him at this time. He laughed at my situation, not knowing he would be going through this soon.

MY PLANS:  
To ruin the whole idea I informed my mother of all the wrong things I could do during the date.  I would like nothing better than to have my date report some misconduct to her mother, and maybe by some luck my mom would hear that I was not the type of meat that would be set up on future blind dates. My mother wouldn’t have it.  

“You act like a real good human being tonight.”  

Case closed. I was going on a blind date with an unknown Persian girl. God help me!

THE DATE:  
Subconsciously I was late by 15 minutes, which is normal protocol. I hurried to my date’s apartment.  Answering the buzzer, she sounded like she had been waiting for at least 30 minutes and was a bit peeved. But she still came out and met me in the front.  

My hands were a bit cold, which was unusual for a person who is always warm. I was nervous for the first time in as long as I can remember. I was out of sync and definitely not in control. I was not used to being surprised by any situation, especially one involving a girl on a date. I thought to myself, “Should I bail out at this very minute?” 

Thoughts were racing through my mind as fast as the length of my previous five relationships. I thought about getting the guy who was standing on the sidewalk in front of the apartment complex to introduce himself as me, but he was African-American so that story wouldn’t fly.  

She walked out. Not very fit, and not exactly Cleopatra. I was hoping she would have a good personality and a sense of humor!

After we exchanged pleasantries and a soft handshake, the scent of Persian cuisine laced with onion emanated from her pores.  F.O.B. was definitely the theme of the evening.   The awkwardness in the car on the way to the restaurant was clear. I dreamed of a hard cocktail on my empty stomach to put me out of my misery. Of course, she, as a good Persian girl would not go on a drinking date as her first date.  

So, dinner it was! Once we arrived at the restaurant we ordered an acceptable bottle of wine to break the ice between us. Little did I know that it would put us in such a comfort zone. I ended up buying an appetizer, salad, dinner, dessert, and even two glasses of port. The rest of the evening’s memories involved my taking charge of the discussions while my date’s elbows rested on the table and her hands supported her chin, with her puppy-dog eyes staring at me and a smile on her face.
  
I wondered about what thoughts were going through her mind: probably the wedding she hoped we’d have and the three sons she would raise--Husain, Rohani, and Asghar Agha.  

The wine calmed our nerves for the rest of a date that was harmless. I dropped her off at the apartment and gave her a little hug. I told her that I will talk to her after I come back from my long-long-long overseas trip (not before I have a nice discussion with my mother about the date). I’m sure my younger brother and Mom had a good time thinking about my blind date.

ADVICE:  
What drives people to put their children in such a desperate position? I doubt that the good Persian girl volunteered to be my date, either. Cultural influence still exists here in America, even though I left the home country about 25 years ago. I’m not sure if I would have been better off drinking myself into a delirium or drugging myself to the point of total-body paresthesia. But I am sure that we should adopt a new policy against totally blind dates with other Persians by just saying “No” to our parents.  

By the way, one needs back-up plans prior to going on such a date. Have a friend or a brother call you after an hour so that, if necessary, you can use the “emergency” excuse to leave your troubles at the table.  

OTHER SUGGESTIONS:  
Always ask for photos prior to your meeting, with thanks that we live in the Internet era. Make multiple restaurant reservations (from high to low end), and don’t reveal your restaurant of choice until you have examined your date closely.  

If the first impression is good, you can advance toward the better restaurant. Don’t forget to keep McDonald’s as part of the plan.
Happy blind-dating! (only if you must)